25。02。2012

25.02.2012

我的心情真的是和现在的天气一样 ~ 很灰 ！ 为什么每次遇到不好得事情， 都怪在我的身上？我真的很讨厌这样子了！我不喜欢这样子 ！

我到底要忍到什么时候？要等到小孩长大了，我才可以离婚吗？ 我发觉自己好像有忧郁症了。为什么要我是最辛苦那个？为什么要我去忍受那些无聊和无耻的脾气？为什么做妈妈就要那么“伟大” ？ 我不要！！！！！！！！！我是人，不是你的出气捅。

我什么都可以不要，我只要我的小孩！

你可以做你喜欢的事，我是不可以的那个。你开心就对我好，你不如意，就对我发脾气。路上堵车，你就讲是我造成的。然后，开始讲我这个那个。。。我好累哦！

如果这世界有神，为什么不会帮我？说什么”迟点会有报应“ 。。。 我呸！已经那么多年了，我还是每天被欺凌那个。

坏人！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
衰人！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

21.02.2012 ~ Unhappy marriage life

21.02.2012

Everytime after quarrel with him, I will think of divorce. Some one told me that I should not have that kind of feeling as I am a Christian & was married in front of Our Lord. Another reason is I'm having children, and is not a good example for the young one. But I'm not happy ...

Think back - I was really making a wrong choice that spoil my life. Why I choose the wrong person to accompany me till the end of my life ? 

I'm not a good wife or good mother, but I try to be. 

When I was in pregnant, how he treat me ? gosh ... I was kicked by him due to a very minor thing. I still remember until now. That day, I was preggy around 6 months. My brother came and ask me go for a breakfast. At that moment, he was in sleeping mode due to watching the live soccer match yesterday night. I whispered at his ear that I go out to have breakfast, but I will bring back some for you later. I still remember that time is around 9am. The he replied: "emm".

After 10 minutes later, he called me ... then started to score me. "Why you don't wait for me ? You so hungry is it ? Come back now !" I was shocked. My brother asked me what happen and I said nothing. Then after finish my breakfast, I buy one for him. Reach home, he scored me like I'm brainless. I told him that because I saw you watched live match and I don't know what time you sleep, so, I decided not to wake you up for breakfast. He so angry with me till he scored me with rude words. I am so depressed that time. Am I really wrong ? I said sorry to him but it was unacceptable. I scared and keep asking for forgiveness, and was rejected. Till he kicked me ... gosh ... I was pregnant that time. How come he treat me like that ?

Then he forced me to go back to his home town. I don't want to follow and he just step out.

I cried and feel so hopeless ..... I called my sister and told her what had happened. She was so angry and she immediately came to my house look for me. She came with her husband, and they both very angry with him. He came back after 30 minutes, and he shocked when saw my sister was there waiting for him. My sister asked why he kicked me ? do you know she is pregnant ? what's make you so angry till you kicked her ? Did she killed your parents ?? 

He kept quite ... but never said sorry to me. He packed his stuff and go back to his home town. I was heart broken !

That was the first incident but totally broke my heart with him. Even few years later, I was pregnant again but my love with him is close to fade ... 

I told myself, I got 2 child and that is enough for me. Even I might divorce with him one day, I still have my 2 children. There is a lot of bad memories that make me feel sick with him. I don't love him any more. He is my child's father, not my husband. 

Close to 14 years I know this person but his real face only show up last few years. I can said is after married with him, his real face slowly came out and until now ... feel bad with him. I'm totally regret to marry with this guy.

Have you ever see a couple that have nothing to chat even sit inside a car ?

Did you prefer to have breakfast alone ?

Conversation between a wife and a husband only last for 5 minutes ??

Everytime talk about money, he sure will said I don't have extra money, if you want you buy yourself

Blame you for traffic jam ?? come on, is not in my control isn't it ??

If you forget to bring out certain items, he will show you the angry face and said something bad to you ?

But if he forget, you cannot blame him. If you do blame him, you will get hurt by his rude words.

When he got intention to buy new thing, he will ask you to buy the old thing from him ... So that he can have money to buy thing.

When you sick, you still have to take care children ! You cannot have a rest and you will heard some heart broken words if rest too long.

Honestly, I'm tired with all of these ...... I want to quit this marriage life but I can't. I have 2 child and I have to think of their feeling. 

I pray to Lord for helping me ... make me stronger in both physical & mental. I hope Lord help to strengthen my financial way. I need a stable and good pay job. I wish my employer notice my hard work and increase my salary from time to time. I wan't to be financial independent and not rely on him.